


Trying (And Failing)

by BitchJerkPunkJerk20



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - 1940s, Bottom Steve Rogers, Comfort Sex, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fetus death, First Love, Gay Marriage, Gentle Sex, Gentleness, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Infant Death, Infertility, Kissing, Love, M/M, Making Love, Men Crying, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post Miscarriage, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pregnancy, Quote: I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Sexual Equality, Top Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:47:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitchJerkPunkJerk20/pseuds/BitchJerkPunkJerk20
Summary: *AU where boys can get married, even in the 40's. And that most boys can get pregnant.*One day when Bucky comes home from work, he discovers his Husband trying to clean a puddle of blood.But this isn't the first time he's caught Steve doing that.





	1. Chapter 1

_**1940** _

 

Bucky and Steve had been best friends since they were kids. And after years of a great friendship, with it's ups and downs, it was no secret that they'd end up getting married. Everyone knew they would. 

The first time they found out Steve was pregnant, was when Bucky finally decided to propose to Steve. Three years later, they're still married. But there's one big downside in their marriage...And after a long day at the shop, Bucky came home and witnessed it.

As soon as he walked through the door, he stopped dead in his tracks. He went form being so excited to see his two babies, to his heart dropping at his feet.

Steve was on the floor, crying, and trying to clean a puddle of blood. He quickly looked up at Bucky, and there was fear in his eyes. It hasn't been the first baby they've lost. This one is now the 5th. 

The first one was the hardest. Steve cried so hard the night he lost it, Bucky feared he'd have a Asthma attack and die. With the other ones, Steve was rushed to the hospital, and they cut out the dead fetus's from his lower stomach.

Ways they know it would happen, the first would be cramps. Then Steve would be peeing blood. Then the next is how Steve describes it as "having your stomach get crushed." Then they'd know it's happening. Then they'd go to the hospital, so the doctor's could get the dead fetus out.

But this time, wasn't like the other times. While Steve was cleaning, he was holding his stomach. His stomach flipped when he saw he was holding a towel to his stomach...Which was bleeding.

Bucky said "Oh my God...Stevie did you-"

Steve said "I didn't...I didn't know when you'd be home...S-So I did it myself...Or I tr-ied to...It hurt so bad B-Buck..."

Bucky quickly went over him and said "Jesus Stevie, you tried to cut it out, are you insane?!"

But now wasn't the time to be mad. Bucky could never stay mad at his Stevie. Especially after he just lost another baby. He said "A-Alright Baby, c'mon. Let's get you to the hospital."

Steve nodded and Bucky carefully helped him to his feet. He put his hand on Steve's stomach, pressing hard but not too hard, to keep pressure on it.

Before they got out the door, Steve asked "B-Buck?"

Bucky asked "Yeah Baby? Whatcha need, Sweetheart."

Steve looked up at him and quietly asked "We're... We're never gonna get to have kids, are we?"

Bucky stopped and looked down at him. Steve looked so exhausted. 5 failed pregnancies, tons of crying, and tons of sleepless nights, who wouldn't be tired? 

There was a sadness in Steve's eyes, and he truly was afraid of never being able to conceive. But Bucky always reassures and comforts him, because he knows Bucky would never leave him. But sometimes, even that does little to comfort Steve. 

 

* * *

 

After they removed the fetus, they carefully sewed the scar back up, and they let them go. Steve cut right where doctors have cut and sealed many times before.

When they got home, Bucky helped Steve get into bed. When he got Steve comfortable, he ran some cool water on a rag and gently put it on his forehead. 

He placed a kiss on top of Steve's head and said "I'll be back Baby, I'm gonna clean the rest of that blood up, okay? Just yell if you need me, okay Baby Doll?"

Steve nodded and Bucky said "I love you, Stevie...You know that?"

Steve nodded and said "I know...But I also know you want kids now...And I can't give 'em to you..."

Bucky sighed and said "Stevie...It could happen to anyone. That is not your fault, I've actually been surprised you could get pregnant with how your body is. How you get sick all the time. But it doesn't matter if you lose 1 baby, 5 babies, or 1,000...I'm. Not. Goin'. Nowhere. I love you, I've always fuckin' loved you, you're the most important thing in my life.."

He gently took the blondes tiny hand in his and gave it a little squeeze. Then he raised it up to to his lips ans kissed his knuckles. 

He said "Baby, you mean the fuckin' world to me. There is _nothin'_ I wouldn't do for you. I hope you know that. You're my heart, my soul, my everlastin' sunshine. And I know it's been hard tryina do this, it breaks my heart seein' you like this...But we'll be okay baby, alright? We'll make it through, you and me...We'll get through this, we'll have our family, Baby...We'll try again.."

Steve nodded and smiled a little. He softly said "Okay Buck." 

The brunette smiled and said "Good. I'll get that blood cleaned up, I'll be back baby."

 

* * *

 

While Bucky cleaned the blood up, he had moments where he would be fighting back tears. And then he couldn't fight it back anymore.

He quietly cried, not wanting to worry Steve. He stopped working and cried, quickly wiping his tears from his face. 

This whole thing is really scaring Bucky. Steve could of really hurt himself, trying to do that. He could've killed himself, the reckless punk! But thankfuy the doctor said he didn't that deep, which is a good thing. But all Steve needs to do, is rest for now.

Hell, the stress Steve's under right now, could kill him. Bucky and the doctors are surprised he hasn't already. But if things keep up like it is now, he just might.

Maybe Bucky's sperm isn't healthy enough. But Bucky's a healthy young man, regular exercise, usually a good diet, he should be fine. Maybe it could be Steve's body, and him being sick all the time.

Bucky was always afraid that the pregnancies would do harm to his frail body. But it's not Steve's fault, nor is it Bucky's, it could happen to anyone.

But Bucky sure feels like a shitty husband for not being able to provide. He works hard to put food in his Stevie's belly, put food of his back, and to keep the roof over their heads.

He makes love to his baby and makes him feel good anytime he wants or needs it. He could do all that just fine, but can't give his husband a family, which is something they both desperately want?

When Bucky finished cleaning up, he washed his husband's blood off his hands, and went back into their bedroom. When he got in there, Steve was crying. Doing exactly what Bucky was doing, so he wouldn't hear it.

Bucky suddenly felt the tears coming back, and he quickly went over and got on his knees beside Steve by the bed. 

A tear rolled down the brunettes cheek and said "Hey now, Doll...It's okay...It's okay Baby, shhh..." He gently wiped the blondes tears away, and moved the rag off his forehead. 

He leaned in and pressed his lips to his forehead. He said "Don't cry Baby, don't cry, shhh.." He gently pressed his forehead against Steve's and said "We'll try again baby, I promise...We'll be okay, we'll have a family, and we'll have a Happily Ever After, Baby.."

Steve swallowed and asked "You sure?"

Bucky said "I'm sure, Baby. But for now, all I care about, is you resting while your stitches heal up...No more playing doctor, you hear me? You fuckin' scared the shit outta me doin' that."

Steve said "I won't, I promise."

Bucky said "Good...I love you...You fuckin' Punk."

He leaned in and kissed the blondes lips, and Steve kissed him back. He said "I love you too, Jerk." 

 

* * *

 

Three weeks after the incident, Bucky's been on high alert with Steve and his stitches. They haven't made love in awhile, and Bucky could tell Steve wanted to, and so did Bucky. He misses the intimacy with his husband.

Since then, they've both had their fair share of crying. They both feel wrecked, but Bucky is _praying_ that God will help them through this. 

Bucky prays that the next time they make love, that Steve will get pregnant again, but this time the baby makes it, and their family can finally start.

 _God_ , he wonders what their future little fella or gal could look like. Would they be as gorgeous as his Stevie? Have his eyes, or Bucky's? Will they have his smile, or Bucky's? Will develop a knack for drawing like Steve does? Be smart like Steve is? No matter what they look like or whatever they may have, they'll always be perfect to them. 

One day when Bucky returned home from a day at the docks, their apartment was quiet. Bucky closed the door behind him and called out "Stevie? Baby, I'm home!"

Steve called out "I'm in the bedroom!"

Bucky nodded and pulled his work shoes off, before neatly setting them down by the door. He couldn't wait to clean up in the shower and cuddle up with Steve. 

He headed towards the bedroom and while he was pulling his tucked shirt out of his pants, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the sight in front of him.

Steve was lying stark naked, on their bed. He was propped up on hid elbows, gave the brunette a nervous smile. He said "Hey, Buck...How was your day?" 

Bucky raised an eyebrow and said "Fine...How was yours?" His eyes roamed his husband's petite body, and then went back to his face. Bucky loves Steve's body, and he always tells Steve how beautiful he is.

Steve never really believes it, he's always been self conscious about his body. But to Bucky, he's the most gorgeous creature that God has personally crafted, just for Bucky.

Steve nodded and said "It's been good...So far..." He watched the blond chew on his bottom lip, and look at him through his lashes. He said "But it could be better..."

 

* * *

 

 

 _ ***Chapter 2 will come tomorrow.***_  


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky watched as Steve slowly sat up and got off the bed, and made his way over to him. When he stood in front of the brunette, he rested his hand on Bucky's strong chest, and looked up at him.

Steve smiled and asked "Wanna try again?"

Bucky asked "Is that what you want, Baby?"

Steve nodded and said "Yeah, it is...6th ones the charm, right?"

Bucky nodded and said "Okay Baby...6th times the charm."

Steve smiled, and Bucky's heart melted. He hasn't seen that smile in awhile. Bucky smiled and said "There's that smile...So beautiful, Baby...You're so fuckin' beautiful, I love you so much."

Steve said "I love you too, Buck." 

Bucky quickly pulled Steve in for a kiss, and Steve quickly kissed back. Steve's hands quickly went to work unbuttoning Bucky's shirt and when that was done, the brunette quickly pulled it off, and dropped it to the floor.

He pulled the blonde in for another kiss, while Steve start working Bucky's belt open. With his pants undone, Bucky quickly grabbed the blonde, and hoisted him up, causing him to wrap his arms and legs around him, while the brunette carried him over to their bed.

Bucky buried his head in the blondes neck, and littered it with kisses. Steve sighed and moved his head to the side. Bucky gently laid him down on the bed, and crawled on top of him, in between his legs.

He brought his lips back to Steve's and kissed him hard. He wanted to kiss him breathless, but that would be a bad idea. He smiled at the thought, and kept kissing at his lips while Steve kissed back.

Soon Bucky pulled back and they panted, while Bucky peeled off his undershirt. Steve ran his hands down his back. He went back in and kissed Steve, while pushing his pants and underwear down past his thighs.

He struggled to get them off, but when he did, he pulled away from Steve's lips, and started kidding down his body. He kissed slow, until he reached his stomach. His eyes fell on the constantly abused scar, and his eyes flickered up to the blondes face, through his lashes.

Steve's cheeked turned red, and he swallowed. Bucky just smiled and gently kissed a trail down it, before taking Steve in his mouth.

Steve moaned and Bucky started moving his head up and down. After a few minutes, he pulled away and Steve whined. 

Bucky smiled and said "Don't worry Baby, I gotcha." then came back up and kissed Steves lips, before gently wrapping his skinny legs around his hips.

Bucky suddenly became worried about this position putting pressure on his scar. He asked "Is this okay, Stevie? Does this hurt?"

Steve shook his head and said "No, it's okay."

"You sure?"

Steve nodded and said "I'm sure, Buck. I'll let you know if it hurts." 

Bucky nodded and said "Yeah, you better...Don't wanna break ya, Doll.." He leaned down and kissed Steve before saying "I love you."

Steve kissed back and said "I love you too."

Bucky spit on his hand and quickly slicked himself up, before positioning. He took a deep breath and so did Steve, something they regularly did when they do this. That's when he slowly started pushing in, groaning st the heat surrounding him.

Steve bit his lip and when the brunette had reached his limit, he stopped and shuddered. Steve wound his legs tighter around him, telling him it was okay to move.

Bucky nodded and slowly started moving, before getting a steady rhythm going. They moaned and Steve practically yanked him down to kiss him.

Bucky kissed him back, and gently raised Steve's lower half up, changing his angle and slowly started picking up his pace.

Steve started moaning, and he sounded beautiful. Bucky's never heard anything sweeter in his life. Bucky groaned and hung his head, kissing Steve's lips again.

The brunette growled a little against his lips when Steve dragged his nails down his back, and kissed him harder. 

 _'Please God.'_ Bucky prayed. _'Please...Please, help us..'_

Steve clung Bucky closer to him, and Bucky buried his head in his shoulder, quickly kissing and sucking at his skin.

"Bucky.."

_'Please God...'_

"B-Bucky..." 

_'Don't let this one die.'_

Bucky picked up his pace a little more, and Steve moaned louder. "B-Buck...Buck, please.."

"Stevie..."

_'Please don't let this one die...I can't lose him.'_

"Put a baby in me.."

_'I can't lose him, please, let us have a family.'_

"Put a baby in me, Buck..." Steve's voice cracked, and Bucky groaned. He pulled back and saw his husband's eyes glisten with tears.

His bottom lip quivered, and he was definitely close to crying. A tear rolled down his cheek, and Bucky's heart sank. 

Steve swallowed and quietly said "Please, Bucky..."

Bucky gently wiped his tears away and kissed his forehead. He said "I'm here, Baby, I'm here...I'm gonna give you a baby, Stevie.."

He whimpered and said "Bucky.."

"We're gonna have a family, Baby."

The brunette could feel a knot tighten up in his stomach, and he knew he wouldn't last.much longer. Steve hugged him closer and buried his face in the crook of the brunette's neck, and he could feel tears on his skin.

Buxky had some of his own roll down his cheeks, and he said "I'll make everything better, Baby. I promise.."

"Bucky.."

"I'll put a baby in you, Stevie.."

Bucky reached down in between them, and quickly started stroking Steve. The blond whimpered again and soon, he came undone. He spilled over the brunette's hand and their stomachs, and now it was Bucky's turn.

He froze and pushed in as deep as he could and threw his head back before he came undone. When he was done, he looked down at Steve and they just stared at each other, panting, tired, and _so in love._

Bucky leaned down and feverishly kissed his husbands lips, and Steve did the same. _'Please let this work.'_

 

* * *

 

For the next month, they made love often, praying it would help their chances. Then one morning, Bucky woke up to an empty bed.

He heard the familiar sounds of vomiting coming from their bathroom, and he quickly went in to see Steve hunched over on the floor, in front of the toilet.

He went over and lovingly rubbed his back and Steve looked back at him. He said "I think we should go to the hospital.."

Bucky nodded and said "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. C'mon, let's brush your teeth, Baby."

 

* * *

 

 _Pregnant._ Steve is pregnant again. Bucky couldn't stop smiling, but inside, he was praying hard. This can't keep happening to Steve, it'll kill him. 

Steve smiled and said "6th times the charm, Buck."

Bucky smiled and took Steve's hand in his. He squeezed it and said "Yeah, Baby...6th times the charm..." 

Then Bucky could see the uncertainty and fear in his husband's eyes. Bucky quickly stood up and kissed his forehead. He looked down into his eyes and said "It'll be okay, Stevie...Things'll be different, I promise."

Steve nodded and said "I hope so.."

Bucky smiled and said "I love you."

Steve smiled and said "I love you too."

Bucky smiled and then looked down at Steve's stomach. He gently rested his hand on his stomach and said "And I love you too...You be good now, hear me? Be good to your Daddy."

_'And please stay alive this time...I love you.'_

 

* * *

 

_**2 Years Later** _

 

Finally, Bucky was home. He groaned when he walked through the door, and called out "Steve? Where my babies at??"

Steve walked out from the kitchen and Bucky smiled. Steve was holding their baby girl, Sarah, on his hip. 

Steve smiled big and said "Look Baby Girl! Daddy's home!"

Sarah smiled big with her toothless grin, and made a happy squeal. Bucky's smile grew and he quickly went over to them. He said "Hello Baby Girl! How are you?" 

He kissed her cheek a few times and said "Hello, Princess" Then he turned to Steve and smiled. "Hello, Gorgeous." And kissed Steve on the lips.

Steve smiled and Bucky asked "How was your guys' day?"

Steve said "Well, we had a very exciting day today. Sarah and I had a little tickle fight, and she slept like a rock for awhile after that."

Bucky chuckled and asked "Is that so? Well then, guess I missed out on all the fun! Didn't I, Baby Girl?"

He tickled her on her neck, and she giggled, waving her chubby little arm. They both laughed and Bucky said "Here Baby, I'll take her. C'mere gorgeous."

Steve carefully handed her over to him, and he kissed her forehead. It's finally happened. Bucky prayed every second of every day, for 9 whole months. This one was tough for Steve, but he made it through, without and heartbreak.

Sarah's as healthy as a horse. She takes after Steve's Ma, Sarah, and she is _beautiful_. She has Steve's eyes, and so far, his blonde hair.

Ever since she was born, they felt like they could finally breathe again. Steve's still depressed about the other babies, but he's just happy he has Sarah. And hopefully with this finally successful pregnancy, that could make way for future ones as well.

Steve said "Oh um, there's somethin' I gotta tell you, Buck."

Bucky looked over at him and smiled. "Sure baby, what is it?" 

Steve bit his bottom lip, before smiling big. He said "Well um...I...I think we may be having another guest coming, soon."

Bucky's eyes went wide, and he broke out in a huge grin. He asked "Really?? You think so?"

Steve shrugged and smiled. "Maybe, I dunno...Let's go to the hospital and see." 

Bucky quickly nodded and smiled. "Yeah, let's go. C'mon Princess, let's go see if you're gonna have a little brother or sister."


End file.
